Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
