I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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