it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
