so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
