I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
