If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
