Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
