Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
