Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
