unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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