1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
