I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
