Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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