he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
