maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
