she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
