I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
