Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
