my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Even my vagina gasped.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
