I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
