Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
