Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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