That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
