The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
