Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
