She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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