i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I understand Curling. That high.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
