My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
