mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
