im drinking this country out of the recession.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
