I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
