My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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