I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
