I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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