Well douche your snatch and let's go!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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