Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
