on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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