there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pants are for mortals
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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