I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
