I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
