so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
