it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
