why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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