Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
