Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
