Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
