I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
