I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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