i think i have two assholes
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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