everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
