Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
