And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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