this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
