The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
