I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
